I’m a huge fan of automatic doors, auto-flush urinals, no-touch faucets and hands-free towel dispensers. At first glance it would seem that anything automatic would be great, but that is definitely not the case.

My case in point? Auto-flushing toilets.

It may seem odd that I am a fan of auto-flushing urinals, but not enthusiastic about the same technology for toilets. Hopefully the following points will clear up any confusion as I provide three reasons why toilets should not auto-flush.

  1. Splashing – My chief complaint about the auto-flush toilet is that they are too sensitive. In a recent experience my toilet flushed about seven times before I was through with my business. And if you employ the common “hovering squat” technique to avoid contact with public restrooms, the chain flushing may reach a new record entirely.The wasting of water ought to be enough to stop the madness, but the worst part is actually the splashing. You see, in my opinion, a toilet is a one-way device. Nothing should be coming up from the toilet and hitting any part of me, especially my bum. Sure, there are devices that work in a fashion similar to that, but they are not called toilets and I won’t be using one in a public restroom.
  2. Reward Removal – My second complaint is quite likely specific to men. I realize that both men and women are competitive, but men have a tendency to turn everything into a competition. Ask most men and, if they’re honest, the first thing they do when they’re done with their business is to turn around and admire their handiwork. With an auto-flush toilet you never get to evaluate your performance; your work has probably been whisked away about a dozen times before you ever even finish playing the first round of Angry Birds on your phone, much less finished your business.
  3. Unnecessary – My last complaint is that auto-flushing toilets are unnecessary. Trust me, I understand the hygienic idea behind the concept. In fact, the older I get the more germophobic (more accurately, mysophobic) I become. I can feel the germs attack me as soon as I walk in a public restroom. I have often wondered why we have no-touch sinks and no-touch towel dispensers only to find that there is no way out of the restroom except to touch the door handle – the same door handle that the guy who didn’t wash his hands just touched as he left the room. However, in the case of toilets the solution is simple. Simply use the type of flush handle that sticks out to the side and keep it low to the ground. I can flush with my foot. Problem solved. After all, that’s what most of us do with the manual flush toilets anyway.

If you’re still reading this you probably don’t mind that I just wasted an entire post talking about toilets so I won’t bother apologizing for my topic. Hopefully I handled it delicately. You have no idea how hard it was not to dump a bunch of puns into this post.

I would love to hear from you, though. What do you think?


Footnote: This post is part of Duane Scott’s Pleasantly Disturbed Blog Carnival where you write about topics you might not otherwise choose. See the other posts here. Photo is from Wikimedia Commons.